Things Better Left Unsaid

Here are some things that wouldn't do credit to smart brains. But they were/are said, sometimes repeated, by the most sensible among us. They irritate, amuse and make you shake your head in disbelief at whether we can actually be so stupid. We can, and we are. Here is the proof.


1. A classmate: "This is my landline number. Call me on it only when I am at home."
I'm apparently clairvoyant, I know when people are in and when they're out, and this classmate of mine made me realise it.


2. An F1 presenter on TV: "Today's race is the thirteenth race of the season, which means the last race was the twelfth."
Here is a revelation for the mathematically challenged- 13 follows 12.


3. Commonly heard: "You don't have any brothers or sisters. So are you the only child of your parents?"
Unless the speaker is thinking of 'adopted' or 'step-' brothers and sisters in specific terms, this statement totally defies logic.


4. A common, painfully illogical conversation:
"How many children do you have?"
"One."
"Son or daughter?"
"A daughter."
"Oh, does that mean you don't have a son?"

or

"How many children do you have?"
"Two."
"Son and daughter?"
"Two sons."
"Oh, so don't you have any daughters?"

How daft can people be?!


5. Finally, this conversation that is most annoying to any youngster. Such statements are often heard at large social gatherings comprising a sizeable number of elderly people (no offence meant). I recently had the pleasure of seeing my younger cousin, making his first public appearance in years, get miffed by all the attention he was getting at his sister's wedding as the bride's brother. The conversation?

"Oh my God, I can't believe how you've grown. I last saw you eighteen years ago, when you were six months old (do you remember?), and now you've changed so much!"

Okay, I might have exaggerated a bit here, but just a very little bit. This is no conversation at all, just a one-sided, admittedly good-natured attempt at establishing a rapport with a bored youngster paying as much attention as he does to his lecturer in class. It is true, people expect to be remembered, perhaps rightly so; I escaped narrowly with a wild, partly intelligent guess (made with the help of a few overheard conversations) when I was asked by a lady to identify her identity. Honestly, they all look the same to me.

Though I do find some of these things incredibly stupid, and putting up with some of this inanity might have been a terrible trial, I am glad they were said; how else would we satisfy our wicked urges to laugh at other people, and for the angels, at ourselves?